Arush, my friend, you should get a new tattoo anyway—say, the layout of the Goris sewage system; it might come in handy in moments like these. — Konstantin Ter-Nakalyan

Yesterday, my brand-new client finally stepped out into the public eye; he wasn't intending to give an interview, but those journalists—who just won't snap out of their stupor—pestered my Arush so much that he finally said he shares Nikol Pashinyan's policies.

Just to set the record straight, let’s note that Arush shares the view that:

- Artsakh is Azerbaijan, period,

- We won't get our "cadastre certificate" until everything is surrendered,

- The Catholicos is impure and the Church needs to be "liberated,"

- In "Real Armenia," the word "Turk" is not an insult, and the Artsakh issue was a trap for us,

- Those who returned from the war died in a questionable manner—"Why didn't we die, man?"

- The portraits of the hero-martyrs of the April and 44-Day wars must be removed from the walls of all settlements in Armenia. And so on, and so forth...

Here’s the thing, Arush, my dear... look, it wasn't just me—go to all the places where that video has been posted and read the comments. You can sic your fake accounts and hags on those people one by one; you can threaten to report them to the tax authorities or sue them for slander, but I don't think it’ll be particularly effective. In fact, they’ll just start pissing on you even more—oops, what am I saying? (Don't go reporting me to the tax office, please!) They’re just trying to validate themselves. Well, because they’re jealous of you, my dear Arush.

And anyway, stop picking on this principled guy of ours. Do you have any idea, for fuck's sake, how he’s built up and revitalized Goris? He’s the only one who did it! And considering that Goris itself was a drab and miserable city, it’s a good thing he added some color and happiness to it; otherwise, Nikol—whose political line he already shares—would have been forced to hand over that ruin by now.

But hey, Arush dear, you should get a new tattoo anyway—maybe a map of the Goris sewer system? It might come in handy at times like these; you’ve got so many envious detractors—God, I just love those "McDonald’s-arch" eyebrows of yours.